Monday, October 26, 2009

You might be the wife of a redneck IF

He has you spend the night in your travel trailer that is parked in the driveway because the air conditioner in your home is on the fritz and the mechanic he uses can't come out to fix it. Then the mechanic takes THREE days to fix it, when it's 90-something degrees that week.

Your nephew shoots himself in the hand at the deer lease and hubby refuses both LifeFlight and an ambulance to the BIG hospital in the city because of the costs and his belief that stupid nephew is not in life threatening danger.

You are awakened, at the crack of freakin dawn no less, by an excited husband at the deer lease because he shot a bobcat and wants you to see it.

Your daughter says "mommy, I love you more than daddy loves Skoal!"

Your son drives the mini truck off into the pond at the family ranch (lovingly known as the "Compound") and hubby drives 3.5 hours to "winch it out" before a "turd floater" drowns the "sumbitch".

Both of your kids have deer heads hanging in their bedrooms, that they shot themselves.

Both of your kids have received rifles, shotguns, gun cases, and fishing poles as gifts and proudly proclaimed each and every one of them "the best gift EVER!"

If you walk into the kitchen from the backyard, think the hubby has followed you in, and without turning to look, start a conversation with him, only to get pissy when he doesn't respond and turn around to find a CALF, yes a baby cow, standing in the kitchen looking up at  you like, "if I could speak, I'd answer"!!!!!

If your hubby texts you pictures of a dead pig cuz he picked it up off the side of the road and it's gonna be some good eatin.

I know there are more and I have threatened for years to write a book about my life as a redneck's wife but the older I get the more I forget...LOL

17 comments:

  1. oh sister -- you've got a whole sh*tpot full of "True Story Tuesday!" tales just lined up and ready for readin' dontcha? I'm laughing right now imagining them!

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  2. I am sad to say that several of those things on the list I can also say would apply to me. No cows in the kitchen, though. Only when I was a kid. I miss the cows some days.

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  3. holy shit Y, that was hilarious. I know most of this stuff, but that was a great blog throwing it all together like that. Very funny, I'm sharing this with friends here.

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  4. Oh that was too funny! I agree - there is definitely some TST material in there! Still in stitches :)

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  5. roflmbo ya know I think we might be related.. cause I have relatives that fit nearly all of those scenarios

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  6. I love that you featured this for Friday Follow. So funny!!

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  7. Hey, I know people just like this. Okay, it's possible that a few of them are in my family.

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  8. I so get this!! Happy SITSday SITSTER!!

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  9. Oh I am laughing! And I thought I could write a post like this; it would never be as funny! Thanks for a good read!
    Happy SITS day!

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  10. ohno too funny! thanks for the laughs and Happy SITS day!

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  11. I LOVED THIS!! HAHAHAHA! And here I thought my family coined the phrase, "it's comin' a turd floater out there!" LOL
    Saw you on SITS today and had to read this post! I'm from East Texas and your blog feels like home ;)
    Following ya!

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  12. Hilarious! If you aren't a stand up comedienne....you have missed your calling! lol

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  13. Oh my goodness I love it - but I have to add one thing, car parts. Car parts strewn through your house. Car parts as decor. That means you just might be the wife of a redneck.

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  14. Do I even want to know what a turd floater is?

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  15. Haha I'm wi BabbyMama on the turd floater, hysterical post!!!

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