Me: what’s happening hotty
Hotty: it’s a bitch being a single mom
Me: yeah right, single life, no man to cater too, lots of sex cuz we all know married folks give up the sex
Hotty: well, let me tell you what my fucking brat kid said to me
Me: omg laughing before I even know but please please share
Hotty: boyfriend shows up at my place at 5:30 am, fucking brat kid is in my bed, why I’ll never know, but whatever, I run her ass to her own damn room, have early morning sex with the bf then he leaves and my day starts at 7:30 am, later that night fucking brat kid asks me if bf is coming over at 5:30 am again. I tell her no. Fucking brat kid tells me, “you’re not getting any mother of the year awards by kicking me outta your bed for him at 5:30 in the morning”
Me: OMG…I’m laughing so fucking hard I can’t breathe cuz I can so totally see fucking brat kid saying those words to her mother and I’m dying and of course my coworkers are staring at me cuz I’m laughing like a lunatic in my cubicle at what appears to them to be absolutely nothing but the computer screen
Hotty: I told her he was getting his shaving stuff, but she said “yeah right, he was here 15 minutes, I’m not stupid just sayin” then saunters off as if she owns the universe because apparently fucking brat kids DO not only own but run the universe!
Me: please send help, I’m dying from laughing and I’m going to blog this, you know that right? This will be on my blog ASAP!!!
Hotty: well, on a positive note, fucking brat kid hasn’t been back in my bed AND when things like this happen between me and her, I’ve learned to scream some chore at her and retreats to her bedroom and out of my space so the subject is dropped
Me: it is official, a person can die from laughing, but I’m seriously fucking dead here…seriously…I’m dead and no one has come to my rescue. Who knew that laughing kills???