Tuesday, April 13, 2010

True Story Tuesday

It's True Story Tuesday from Rachel and Mr. Daddy. Click the button to read more true stories. If you want to add your own, grab the code from their sidebar, post your story, and link up.




I guess I'm going to have to tell the story about how I had to go to jail at 8 months pregnant. I've caved to the peer pressure BEGGING of my bloggy friends. HAHAHA As if I have ever caved to anything in my life. Well, maybe that one time but hmmm that shall remain a HUGE fucking secret...LMFAO

Ok...so a little history here. My father in law, Papa, has owned his own business for more than 30 years now. Uncle Bubba has worked there most of our lives. Uncle Bubba's sisters, Pickle Grandma and Nonny used to work there too. Follow along here...family business. Uncle Bubba and I had been to the small town Wal-Mart for whatever reason, and since we don't share money and never have, we each wrote a check for our own purchases. It was 1995 y'all, people wrote checks then...especially when we were really poor and broke and trying to float the mother fucker til Friday when we got paid LOL. Moving on...so we each write a check, $50 or so, not much money at all. Well, Uncle Bubba's grandmother, Ma, got real sick, was in the hospital, and passed away. We lived with her, she pretty much raised Uncle Bubba and it was a hard time for everyone. Keep in mind here, family business, so when the family has a crisis, no business is being done, including getting a paycheck to deposit to cover those checks we were trying to fucking float. Following along still??? Those fucking checks bounce, not once but twice and end up in the courthouse. Now, this is November of 1995, I'm not pregnant yet, hell at that point, my plan is to ONLY have one kid, Chance, who we already had. Moving along, I'm in night school at the community college and get to talking to a classmate who works at the county courthouse. Somehow these two checks come up and she tells me don't worry about it, she'll take care of them and they'll be gone forever. Moving along and now I'm pregnant, working as a temp, sick as a dog constantly cuz Girlkid has been trying to make my life miserable since conception. I'm only allowed out of bed 4 hours a day, yet I'm working 4 hours a day and it's a one hour commute each way, but whatever obviously Aunt Crazy doesn't follow rules well. One Saturday morning, there is a loud knocking at the door. I open the door to find a Sheriff standing there. I nearly fell over from the pure fucking shock of thinking omg they are here for me and I am going to have to call my momma from fucking jail while I'm 7 months pregnant. So, just imagine my surprise when they ask for Uncle Bubba and not me!!!!!!!! I tell them to hold on. I run to wake him and tell him the Sheriff is here for him. He tells me to tell them he isn't home, I said too fucking late, I was so damn happy they didn't ask for me, I told them you were sleeping...LMFAO I think if he could have, he would have killed me right then and there. So he goes to the door in his shorts, no shirt, no shoes, and they tell him he's going to jail. By this time, Papa is standing at our door, oh did I forget to mention that we live next door to Papa & Granny well we do, anyway, Papa tells the Sheriff that he'll run back home and grab the cash and be done. The Sheriff says that things aren't done that way anymore and that Uncle Bubba WILL be going to jail today and that most likely the judge has already come and gone so he WILL be spending the night in jail. So, off to jail he goes. They did let him put on a shirt and some shoes. Not his proudest moment or mine either. Anyway, Uncle Bubba whines like a little bitch and has his auntie call the local judge and get his ass out of jail right then and all the jailers are like dude I don't know who you are or who you know but this shit never happens so have a nice life and never come back. Uncle Bubba laughs all the way out of the jail house.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks later, I'm now 8 months pregnant and I've been calling the courthouse and they finally tell me that there is nothing to be done at this point except wait for a warrant to be issued for my arrest, turn myself in, and then go to court over the check. So, I finally a warrant is issued. Uncle Bubba and toddler Chance take me to the jail. I have a letter from my doctor saying that I'm on bedrest and should not be out of bed other than to pee. The jail wants NOTHING to do with me. I'm nothing but a high risk pregnant chick that they do not want delivering a baby in their jail. They get me in, take my fingerprints (which is almost as humiliating as giving birth, just sayin), and get me the hell outta there.

So, my 8 month pregnant ass was in jail for less than 2 hours...LMFAO

p.s. Uncle Bubba lost one of my diamond earrings that day in the waiting room at the jail but he did give me a bigger better pair about 10 years later...LOL

16 comments:

  1. ROTFL! That's exactly why back in the day when people wrote checks (and we were always floating them), I always made Daddy Bub write the checks!

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  2. NO WAY!

    NO STINKING WAY!

    Seriously!?

    That was genius on your part to have the doc's note... just genius!

    I mean, I understand that they don't want people to write bad checks, but I didn't know they actually pick up people for two of them! (Says me - who watched the meth girl who caused the felony hit-and-run that destroyed my car and wrist get released from jail SEVERAL times in a year before she was charged with my case - UGH!)

    Now I'm totally curious who your aunt knows! And I know who to call if I ever get in trouble!

    Thanks for sharing this - still LOLing!

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  3. You have to live in a small town. Around here the county attorney sends you a letter before issuing a warrant saving you court costs.

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  4. You owe my a new keyboard. One that is not soaked with coffee preferably. That is tooo funny!

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  5. Still funny as shit and I've heard the story. That wouldn't happen in this big city ... cops barely show up to your house if you've been robbed ... and if your car is stolen ... TOO BAD! My aunt & uncle owned a produce store back in the day. They'd take an enlarged photocopy of bad cheques & post them on a board at the front door that said 'THESE PEOPLE WRITE BAD CHEQUES". And my liquor store (yes MY liquor store) has a slide show picture frame with the shoplifters pics ... THAT's how little the police care about somethings in big cities, lol.

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  6. Oh my gosh, I can just see an 8 month high-risk pregnant woman waddling into the jailhouse holding a note from her doctor. Bwahahahahahahaha! Classic. One to tell the grandkids for sure. Hahaha

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  7. Holy shittitties that's a crazy story. Pickle Grandma? LOL how old are the kids now

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  8. Oh girl I love your stories! Love Love Love!!! You were probably never so happy to be 8 months pregnant your whole life! Bwahahahahahaha

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  9. oh.my.word!!!!!!
    It's 1995 ya'll!!!!!! LOVE IT!
    your stories are the best :)

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  10. That is too funny. Are you guy's anywhere near were Forrest Gump grew up????? LOL

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  11. Visiting from Rachel's site, the title of your post caught my eye! How crazy, I cannot believe that happend to you.

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  12. Oh man. LMAO. I couldnt wait to read this story. Better than I expected. So glad you got out quickly. LOL

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  13. No way. I can't believe that being high risk got you a get out of jail free card. That is SWEET!

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  14. HAHAHA. "The benefits of being pregnant", by Aunt Crazy. :)

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  15. Oh my gosh that was freakin' hilarious!! I was seriously LOL!

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