Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out

This is my first time to participate in Pour Your Heart Out. Head on over to Shell's place to read more!



I'm not sure this is going to come out the way I've been thinking about it but I'm going to give it a try. I have a husband and two kids, one boy, one girl. The boy is the oldest. I have been feeling for awhile that the dynamics in our house are changing, that our lives are shifting around. I don't have a bad or good feeling about it, I just feel it happening and it's out of anyone's control. I suppose it's just nature taking its course. The natural progression of things, I guess you could say. We are a busy family. Two working parents, two athletic kids, we run crazy all the time, we have for years. When Chance started in t-ball all those years ago, it was the four of us. Sterling coaching, me being team mom, Chance playing, and Savanna learning to walk and run at practice and at games. Me, trying to keep score and sequester her in a stroller or port-a-crib. Then she started to play ball too. We became like two mini families. Me with her, Sterling with Chance because he was his coach. Switching up to see the other kids games when schedules allowed it. Then, Sterling started coaching her. We switched. Me & Chance, Sterling & Savanna. It was that way for a LONG, LONG time. Then Chance started high school ball and parents are not involved much. We watched games. It was great! But still, we rarely got to watch either kid at the same time, together, Sterling & I. He was with Savanna at practice or games, I was trying to catch some or all of either or both of their games. Now, Chance doesn't play, but Savanna still does and for now, Sterling is coaching her. But, it feels as though in general, it's becoming Sterling & Chance and me & Savanna. It's hard to describe. He's still coaching her, but with his work schedule, I take her to every practice and he meets us there. We typically go together to tournaments. But, Chance, he's turned into his father's son. I assume it's the age, he doesn't want my nurturing anymore, even though he still needs it. I feel like I'm in the background of his life and I'm ok with that. I'm behind the scenes, emailing teachers, doing his laundry, paying for things he needs. He turns to his dad more than me. He needs his dad for man stuff...about girls and his truck and boy stuff that I don't know about! I love that, I truly do. Savanna is with me so much, it's me and her, almost every evening. She has such a busy schedule right now. We talk a lot. She's growing, maturing, turning into a young lady, right before my very eyes. Chance will graduate next year. Soon, he'll leave home. Soon, Savanna won't want my nurturing, even though she'll still need it. So, will she turn into her father's daughter? Where will that leave me? When the dynamics change again and it's her and him, will it just be me? I know one day it will be Sterling & I, alone together. Will we be ready for that?

12 comments:

  1. Oh, this made my heart ache. I have three boys and I get scared of that day when they will turn to dad instead of me.

    Thanks for linking up.

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  2. Its bound to happen to me too. I worry about it, change, but its inevitable, and it sounds like you all are still a happy family...... ;D

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  3. Can't help you there - only gots the one kid.

    AUNT CRAZY RULES!!!!!!!!

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  4. Hmm as a mom of 3 boys I sometimes wish they went to Dad. but Dad works crazy hours gone before they are up and sometimes not home till afer they are asleep. Even when he is here they tend to ignore him..I can't wait for the me and daddy alone day lol.. I mean I love my kids but I want them to be able to stand on their own..in their own place.. down the road.. over there lol..

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  5. I completely understand this. Does it make you feel any better that your daughter probably won't want either one of you around when she hits HS?

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  6. I so understand what you mean! My son will turn 21 in August. He lives in Louisiana and I'm here in NC. He hasn't "needed" me in a long time. It's so damn hard. It was so damn depressing.

    Then one day I got a phone call from him, "Momma, how do you write a check?" Lmao...it was the best feeling in the world because he "needed" me!

    I still can't believe my 20 year old son did not know how to write a check though! Haha!!

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  7. Oh, I had to laugh b/c I was going to say exactly what Foursons said. I know I didn't want anything to do with either of my parents when I was in HS.

    I loved this post, though. It's something all of us moms have to eventually deal with and work through. My husband keeps telling me that our time with our oldest is 'half over' (he's 9, almost 10). It just went by so fast... and I imagine the next 9 or 10 years isn't going to slow down any. I told him I was going to punch him in the face if he says that to me again. LOL!

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  8. My oldest boy is a Momma's Boy through and through, but I always feel I have to make a special effort to spend any time with my second son. He is always on a tear and always watching the men in his life. I am glad he turns to them, but every once in a while it would be nice for him to hang out with me.

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  9. Awe, It is hard to see things change. I have 2 teens, and 1 needs me so much that sometimes, I think "Enough!" but then I remember that someday, she will be out on her own, and it will just be me & Bear, so I grab hold on to these moments. And the other one: I'm so proud of her independence, but just wish she needed me more, or at least could tolerate me more, like long enough to not do the whole eye rolling teeth sucking thing, ugh!

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  10. Life just keeps on a changing! BUT ... as I married young to a guy with kids I now have 3 step-kids in their 30s as well as one bio who is 20 and all of them still NEED Mom and Dad. In different ways now sure but they still need to know we're still here, still in their corner, still love them, still proud of them, etc. They can stand on their own and they will survive when we aren't here any longer. Then they'll rely on our memory rather than our presence. But they will always need us!

    Yours will need you too! :)

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  11. I wish I had the words for you. I can tell you you are an amazing mom and I am thankful to call you my friend! Oh and although I didn't want anything to do with either parent in HS my mom and I are the best of friends now and we talk on the phone every single day. You still have so much to look forward to but I also get what you mean about being just you and the hubs. There has always been kids in the picture for us too and I was just telling my hubby last night to not wish the kids life away too fast because I am not ready to be alone with him. LOL

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  12. "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
    Henry Ellis

    Great post Aunt Crazy...

    Better be careful, you keep writing like that and we won't be able to think of you as Aunt Crazy at all....*smile*

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