Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pour your heart out with Shell

Today is Pour Your Heart Out day with Shell from Things I Can't Say.

I had the special honor of becoming her 1000th follower yesterday which prompted a thank you email from her and a sweet email from Ian too! Am I special or what???


REMINDER: Be nice, people are pouring their hearts out here and there and everywhere!!!

Shell talked about marriage this week and it's been on my mind, so I wanted to talk about it too. Uncle Bubba made me really really really mad. I haven't spoken to him in more than a week. He refuses to apologize and I refuse to speak to him until he does, so we have issues. It's like a messican standoff but we don't have any messicans, only a city girl and a redneck....both hardheaded and strong willed. What's a girl to do? Shell believes you choose to love and make it work when you can and if you can't, you can't. I agree with her. For 18 years, we have made it work. We've had good times and bad ones and even worse than bad, but we've toughed it out. Maybe it's me, maybe it's him, who knows. I only know that typically, I sleep on it and I get over it, but I just can't right now. I need to hear "I'm sorry" and I need to know it's heart felt. Deep down, I know it will never happen, but I need that. Why should I give up what I need? Why should I make contact first? Why should I sacrifice what I want and need, yet again, so that our life goes back into balance? Some days, hell most fucking days, I'm ok with the life we have. It's not the best, but it's not the worst, and it's OURS and that is good. It's different than what most think is normal, but it works. But right now, I can't make that "he's a man, they don't apologize" concession for him, I can't forgive and forget, I can't move along. It's not even like what I'm pissed about is THAT big of a deal, but to me, this time, right now, it is HUGE, fucking HUGE and I can't get over it. I always say you can't help who you love. I love him. There are so many things that I need to say but if they won't be heard and listened to and appreciated, VALIDATED, I refuse to say them again.

I've rambled on and really made no point, but I needed to get this out of my head, so here it is. Mostly, my feelings are hurt, my heart is hurting, and I need something that I'm not getting from the one person who should be willing and able to give me what I need.

8 comments:

  1. Aw sweetie, I'm sorry! I wish I had advise, but unfortunately I don't. Hang in there.

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  2. We're twins! I'm sorry you are going through the same thing I am right now. Men are dogs, I say. But I still loved mine.

    Hope your guy wises up

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  3. I need an "I'm sorry" too. Two little words, but it makes such a difference when they are said.

    Thanks for linking up!

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  4. that's all I really ever need to..is just to hear the I'm Sorry but like you say with men it rarely happens!!

    hugs!

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  5. Oh, Honey. Sometimes boys are so frustrating. I can't offer any advice because I'm too jaded and bitter and mine wouldn't be good. It would also, probably violate a commandment and a couple of man made laws.

    All I can say is hang in there!

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  6. I am right there with you...only the person that said the harsh words to me was my own mother.

    It has been six weeks since I last spoke to my mother. I am like you, I need her to apologize...esp since what she said was way beyond uncalled for. Not to mention down right rude and hurtful.

    I have never had a problem with my husband like this. Sure he does dumb things and occasionally says something idiotic...but we have never not spoken for an extended length of time.

    As for my mother...I know that she will not apologize. I know that in her mind, I was the one that was wrong. I am the one that needs to apologize. That is not going to happen....not this time.

    Good luck with your husband. Sorry for the long comment. Stopping by from Shell at Pour Your Heart Out.

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  7. A VOID
    What can fill that empty space
    That seems a hollow pit.
    When something there is missing
    And nothing seems to fit.
    How do you fill the emptiness
    And satisfy the inner hunger;
    When all in life has left you starved
    But no where's found the answer.
    Outside yourself, you start to look
    But still there stands the void.
    The little things you used to love,
    No longer seen enjoyed.
    Don't talk to me of Jesus,
    For I'm his and he is mine,
    but even though I know him;
    I'm still not feeling fine.
    Tomorrow, I'll go searching,
    And tell you what I find
    But if my search should prove in vain;
    It will have satisfied my mind.
    By Gloria Sarasin:

    I stumbled across this poem the other day, It seemed to fit..
    Hope it helps a little.
    If not just chalk it up to me being another dumb guy.....LOL

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  8. Saying I'm Sorry is really, really hard for me too and yet when I am wronged I need to hear it like I need oxygen. I hope you are able to make some sense of all of this and you are so right to make sure you get what you need. It is important! XXOO

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