Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Crazy Rusty side

First, you must read Candance's two tales here and here, then read Leiah's, and then come back for mine, cuz well, it's MY side, which is most important, right, RIGHT???

Done yet? Hell, y'all are some slow readers, or are you changing clothes cuz you pissed yourself laughing?

Well, seeing as how I only live about an hour from the outlet mall and both of those beotches were NOT on time, I hit the Target and the Wal-Mart before meeting Leiah in the parking lot of the hotel. Leiah, well, her a/c was out in her car, so she was soooo HAWT and those rollers, OH MY HELL, I loved the rollers in her hair!!! I was all, Leiah get in MY car, it has a/c, but she didn't, cuz she doesn't listen well. Meanwhile, Candance was texting us that she would be there in 2 miles, 1.5 miles, 1 mile, where are y'all...finally, we just went into the lobby in our matching orange shirts...that we did not

Leiah took her southern belle, rollered up hair into the bathroom, and when she came out y'all...holy cow! She had cute hair and transformation. I'm soooo looking forward to learning to be a proper Southern Belle so that I can stay in the Southern Belle Girl Gang, cuz well, they let me in cuz I'm funny and from Texas, but if I wear my white pants or shoes after Labor Day, they SWEAR they are gonna kick me out.

I did say some funny stuff and make Candance spew Amp outta her mouth, TWICE, once in the hotel and once at the outlet mall, but I can't remember what I said.

That lady that was willing to go to jail on her "birfday" cuz Candance screamed at her, "SISTER, you just need to shut your piehole RIGHT NOW" well, for all her bitching and moaning about Candance cutting in line, she had someone with her that CUT IN LINE TOO y'all...hell to the yes she did but I was so shocked about the whole incident that I didn't really realize that had happened until we left. Also, while all the yelling was going on, Candance slammed her Amp drink down on the shelf thing and when I heard that noise, I turned to look at her, saw her bending down, and I thought to myself, OH MY HELL SHE'S GETTING HER PURPLE SWITCHBLADE!!! All the while, poor Gracie thought Candance was taking her shoe off to beat that bitch with it...y'all, I swear when this was all over, I thought I may die from laughing cuz it was so HI-LARIOUS...not kidding...and that lady, the one who's "birfday" it was, well, I swear to the little baby jeebus she was stalking us the rest of the damn day cuz everywhere we went, there she was with her posse, including the lady that DID cut in line, while this "birfday" girl was bitching about Candance cutting when she wasn't!!! last thing...Candance DID say that she wished she would see an outlet mall security person cuz she would SO be telling them that the "birfday" girl and her posse were stalking us and we were kind of afraid and would like for the security people to deal with them for us. OH YES SHE DID SAY THAT TO ME.

It was fun times y'all, fun times! I missed out on the Vodka Tea stuff and sleeping with Crazy and Rusty cuz I had a family thing and missing out on that stuff makes me sad but it's ok cuz soon enough, I'll be sharing a hotel with both of them and Michelle. That night will make for lots of blog fodder, at least I'm fairly certain it will...bwahahahahaha


  1. I swear it wasn't me stalking you. I promise. I didn't even go shopping that weekend..

    But if I had gone shopping, then I might have stalked you a little, but only long enough to get some pictures.

  2. LOL! Was that *you* I saw at the outlet mall?? bwwwaahhhaaa!

  3. Michelle, had it been you and me there together when this little incident went down, we'd been tag teaming her and we'd all been in jail on her "birfday".

    What's even funnier about all of this is that all three of us were all put together and dressed well and looked like three ladies with two well-dressed, well-behaved little girls, so you know no one, not even that old bitch, thought any one of us would stand up to her.

  4. OMGoodness! Y'all are a hoot!

  5. What is it with people and cutting in line in TX? I mean really- get a grip people.

  6. I'm so glad you guys ruined that old bitch's birfday, it's exactly what I would have done!! Though I must say, the part about being afraid she was going to take off her shoe and beat the bitch up was my favorite!!! (Also something I would do...a la Eddie Murphy's mom!!)

  7. If it's the outlet mall I'm thinking of (A few exists south of me?) I bet it's the same bitch who got all snippy wif me about some crayons when I gots to de wal mark for school supplies.

    In any case, love the story!
    I may lack an inner monologue sometimes. It's possible people who piss me off in public hear it sometimes.

  8. I want to join the Southern Belle Girl Gang! Pretty please.